I’d hate to jinx things, but it looks like I’m finally growing up a bit.
And to think it only took me 40 years.
(I’m sure my mom must be very proud.)
But, as I look back at the three months since I’ve turned 40, and the changes I’ve made in my life, it seems like a logical conclusion. I mean, I’m getting my diet and exercise under control. I’m more organized. I’m staying on top of the housework. I’m making good choices with the time I have each day. And even though things like having a daughter with a raging stomach virus slow me down for a bit, I find I’m calmer than usual in the midst of the storm. I understand there are many things beyond my control, and I’ve learned better how to just roll with it.
In fact, prior to last week’s bout of stomach flu, I would have thought last week was going to be one of the busiest weeks of my Spring. I’d committed to helping with several things at my children’s school (on top of the “normal” things I volunteer for), and I’d made promises to myself to stay on top of eating right and exercising, in the midst of all of it. When all was said and done, even the exercise had to fall by the wayside. But I kept my eating relatively under control so that this morning, when I did my weekly weigh in, I was still pleasantly surprised.
It seems my One Word idea for this year (SIMPLIFY) combined with my Lenten promise to “give up” my excuses, seems to have moved me forward a bit. Forward in terms of getting things done. Forward in terms of letting go of the desire to want everything to be “perfect” and then “stay put”. Forward in terms of trusting that when things go wrong, a solution will be made known to me for where to go from there.
In SIMPLE terms: discipline, detachment, and trust have allowed me to move forward. It’s easy to see now that somewhere in the endless loads of laundry, the nonstop homework paper trail and the miles of errands and activities, I’d lost hope that I would ever feel at peace with the rhythm of life.
The best image I can think of to describe what I’ve come to understand isn’t Biblical. In fact, it’s not even “grown up.” But it is SIMPLE. It’s a scene from the movie Finding Nemo. The scene where Marlin, the clown fish (who’s anything but funny), wakes up after an intense, worrisome, anxiety-ridden journey to find the EAC (East Australian Current) which he knows will lead him to his lost son. After many mishaps and near misses, he falls unconscious to a jelly fish sting. So used to searching for the EAC, he wakes up and quickly realizes that in his unconsciousness he’s lost valuable time to get there. So he begins to panic and quickly asks the very laid-back surfer dude sea turtle, Crush, to point him to the EAC.
And what Crush says next, is how I’ve felt about the “perfect” life I’ve been searching for this whole time. Most of my life I’ve searched and worried and worn myself out trying to control and think my way into a better way of living. But, it wasn’t until I got moving (discipline) and let go of my need to control every little thing (detachment) and believed that Someone bigger than me had the answers (trust), that I was finally able to see what Marlin saw once Crush helped him “open his eyes:”
“You’re looking for the EAC?” asks Crush, as he laughs his surfer laugh, “You’re riding it, dude!”
And though my realization was more of a slow unveiling, than a clear-cut statement, Crush’s words ring true all the same.
Because what is the perfect life after all? Is it not a life full of hills and valleys? An epic journey fraught with harrowing moments of indecision and bad choices? But is it not also sprinkled with moments of ridiculous ecstasy like the birth of a child, or at least the birth of a great idea?
That sure sounds like a “perfect” life to me. In fact, I find it every bit as obvious from this perspective as I did Crush’s answer to Marlin in the movie. Suddenly, it seems so silly of me to ask, because God’s answer is so obvious:
“You’re looking for a perfect life? You’re living it.”
And to think it only took me 40 years to figure it out.